Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
