I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
