Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
