He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
