He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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