dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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