That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
