Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
