You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
