i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
