We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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