I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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