Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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