It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
