The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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