I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
