have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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