My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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