If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
