My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
