oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
