GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
