Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
