No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
