Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
