I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
