I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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