I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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