If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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