ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
