I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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