so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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