theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
