What a fucking waste of an outfit
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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