Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
