my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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