so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
