There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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