Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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