I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
