I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
