so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize