True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize