I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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