am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
