PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
