i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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