the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
