Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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