another moral hangover. fuck.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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