if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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