I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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