Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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