and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
