If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
