I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
