Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Four minutes until I can fart!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
