Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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