So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I could fuck to npr.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
