and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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