If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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